Deep Roots

What Do We Do with the Kid? 

Yair returned home from Yeshiva for Shabbat like usual. But what was unusual, is that he absolutely refused to go back to Yeshiva come Motzei Shabbat. His teacher had become angry with him, and Yair felt angry and insulted. 

Yair’s parents tried to speak with him. His teacher called to apologize. The staff of the Yeshiva tried to intervene. Psychologists were called, and the parents sought advice from top specialists in education. But nothing helped. 

Yair’s father remembered his own years in yeshiva. He had a difficult relationship with his teacher to put it lightly, and many times he was even hit. But it never even occurred to him to tell his parents that he wasn’t prepared to return to his learning. What was so different between himself, and his son? Could it be that this younger generation is really so different, almost without recognition, from previous generations? 

Roots in the Home 

The Torah says that “man is like a tree of the field.” You can try to trim the tree perfectly, and water it, etc. But what really gives the tree the ability to stand against strong winds is the roots. You can't see the roots because they are deep in the ground, but they draw out the vitamins and sustenance that the tree needs. The roots determine everything. 

The difference between our generation and previous generations is the roots – and lack thereof. It used to be that the mother of the family was 100% mother. Her children were the center of her life. When the children came home, she had no other work, no cell phones, no distractions. It didn’t matter so much whether she knew so much about “child education,” because her heart felt the deep needs of her children, and she filled those needs in great abundance. The mother built deep and strong roots in her children, and those roots gave her children the strength to stand in all the difficult trials of life. Although the father was often too busy with his work to put a lot of time and energy into raising his children, the mother alone, who was 100% mother – was enough. 

However, our generation is plagued by the need for both parents to work. Even very good parents generally cannot escape this reality. And even when the parents are home, they generally don’t have the availability and emotional strength to focus on the needs of their children. Neither parent is to blame! In our generation, both parents need to fulfill the roles of mother and father for their children. 

Since the roots of the youngsters of this generation are so weak, we clearly see the results in the form of all sorts of emotional and educational problems. It isn’t necessarily because of a specific trauma. It is caused by the consistent lack of necessary “vitamins” that children need their parents to give them for their emotional health. This results in the development of weak roots that cannot withstand the “strong winds” and difficulties of life. 

So, What’s the Solution? 

The solution is not for the parents to stop working or stop running their lives. The first step is to recognize the problem and be more sensitive to it. However, our primary job as parents is to build in our children the emotional strength and sturdiness that they need to weather the storms of life. We also cannot leave our children “handicapped” because they are always being dealt with by their parents and educators with silk gloves.